Flower Princess - chapter 1

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chapter 1: The 50 shades of Grimm / Decisions...
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waking up to the sound of a mobile phone. it is playing that same annoying repetitive sound it always does at this hour, 6:30 am. after a good yawn and a sigh  you start tapping the screen randomly to submit the device into silence, succeeding only after the fourth try. 5 minutes later you get out of bed and prepared for the day that lies ahead, yet another day of work, another day of the same junk routine you put up daily.
As you head to the bathroom to fresh yourself up you go over what your job implies, cleaning after other people their crap, hauling sheets of metal to a cutting machine, getting sprayed wet by the same cutting machine for it lacks a splash shield and  be expected to do 3 completely different things at different locations at the same time for the rest of the day, the whole day long. and if that is not enough, feel unappreciated by your superiors, all repeating daily.

At the bathroom you relieve yourself and start looking into the mirror where you are greeted with the reflection of the elongated face of a 20 something, your reflection.
as you haven't been sleeping well lately bags show under your hazel eyes, making your hook nose stand out like a white mountain between them.
With some cold water you splash your face returning some colour to it diminishing the effect.
the shampoo didn't work against that dandruff again it seems, as you notice the white flakes falling down from  your dark blonde/brown hair as you try to model it a bit.
finishing up with shaving and brushing teeth you take a deep breath and walk downstairs.
you grab something to eat, put on a coat and and be on the way to work, only to turn around after 2 steps as you forget your car keys. not going anywhere without them, after locating them near the bed you go out for a second time, a bit more in a hurry due to the time it took to find them, no time, always a shortage of available time...
Nearing the small car you posses, you notice something different, "great, just great" they drove against the mirror again, someday this piece of junk is either going to be a smouldering wreck by the hand of others, or you are going to make it one yourself. you check the mirror, confirm it is still in one piece, just bent over, and put it back in its place.

while driving to work you can already tell how the day is going to proceed;you will begin with starting up the cutter, picking cut metal, cleaning it and its spills while it boots up... at random intervals going to the upper floor to reset a error that should have been fixed ages ago, but seems to be still there. then after picking cut metal pieces you haul and place a new metal sheet, repeating this in a endless loop as the machine is in constant use.
when not doing this you either are moving and cataloguing goods that got in during the day before or earlier that same day, often moving them two or three times as colleagues never know where they actually want them.
colleagues, at least they are friendly and supportive, it soothes the day to a manageable level... unlike when you encounter the boss, always grumpy, all the time, never satisfied. demanding more and better even though you are already doing 2 jobs at the same time.
however, 8 something hours later you are free to go home, where you can eat, do some minor chores and then finally get some fun and relax for a couple of hours, then back to bed to push the reset button.

after work the drive home was quick this time, normally jammed traffic was diverted due to road work, knowing the streets its easy to circumvent these however, and while other traffic simply follows the signs, you get a good fast drive home.

after parking the car you walk up to the front door, put the key in and start twisting, 1... 2 clicks, which means either soup, bread or a microwave dinner, again.
however, since your to lazy and tired to cook something better, and considering the amount of time left for fun is limited it is easy to pick what it will be.
Mom must be on a late shift again, she works a lot of late shifts lately, and dad for all you now could currently be working at a moon base... lately he has been out of country an awful lot, and with both of them being away, it leaves the house eerily empty, save for the plenty amount of pets who happily greet you upon entry. and since no-ones home your up to the task of taking them out.
you decide to take a longer walk then usual, its finally Friday after all, weekend at last, might as well take in some fresh air before you decide to boot up that dust hungry pc and loose yourself in the digital world for who knows how long...

during the walk the same questions as usual pop up and the thinking starts, "why am I keeping up with this boring stale life? the same routine everyday, the same fake smile... and why? for what? am i doing this for myself? to become a happy man? nahhh, who am i kidding... I've had it with this world, for all i care it could explode right here right now, and i wouldn't give shit number one..."

you turn the corner of the street where you are greeted with the face of the neighbours, interrupting the thought train for a moment, these are folks who deem themselves higher then others, they quickly reel in their dog and put their chin the other way, you properly wish them "a good evening", but they just walk past as if you didn't exist in the first place, continuing their conversation a short while after. pricks.. the other neighbours are great though, happy people who often come around for a drink with your parents...

parents... you resume your thoughts, "am i doing it for mom? dad? maybe..." you figure they are about the only people you can think of that give your life any meaning and reason to continue. "but faking that I'm happy makes THEM happy, not me... not even in the slightest. and for how much longer can i put up that fake smile with bright eyes, they don't look to show it but they certainly know something's not right, i feel it, the cracks are slipping through one at a time.".
you talked with them about suicide a couple of years back, you agreed never to do such a thing, it just isn't right. "right?" you agreed that with them to comfort them with the thought that you'll outlive them more then anything else, while at the same time things started to change for the better, and by being able to support yourself instead of being a burden, you cheered up a bit as well, making them forget the whole issue.
"though agreed with them on the subject", your inner monologue replies, "no parent should bury their children, and suicide is certainly not the best option, it's EVIL! remember?" you forgot why it was so evil in the first place however, but back then it were the wrong reasons to even consider it, that was for sure, currently? your not so certain on the matter anymore...
"ok, no suicide, sure, but is the present really what i want to be doing the rest of my life?" as imaginary gears keep turning and your feet are on autopilot you suddenly stop, noticing just in time you almost walked full speed, face first, against a signpost ironically displaying "STOP", shaking your head to clear any thought remnants you quickly go around the pole, hurrying to finish the walk in a bit more positive way, enjoying the mild weather for now, dwindled off to long already.

for the remainder of the day however, you cant seem to get any rest or joy out of your activities as you might have done usually.
later that night as you finally call it quits, checking the last of mail and other messages you decide to go off-line and for a long hot shower.
as you walk downstairs mom got back home, you give her a kiss, smile and listen to how her day was with half a ear, then continue as you were originally planning, leaving her behind with a bright smile, she seems happy and in a good mood, her work must have gone smoothly.

the shower was long, satisfying and comfortably hot, but the questions shooting through your head earlier outside popped up and kept milling through your head once again.... why? and what-for?... quickly shaking them away with the foresight of getting in a warm bed you go upstairs, bringing a cup of tea to mom before she asks this time.
finally in bed you quickly fall asleep, restless dreams follow...
dreams of a bullied and unlucky past, from which you came out strong as words cant hurt anymore as you endured enough to ignore them, lots of willpower, ready to fight the future as it presented itself for you fought the past.
the future which was promised to be better, never came and shifting to the present you can only find a grim stale boredom, with the news on paper, radio and television only reflecting it all to make it even worse.
later the dreams begin shifting to what might be visions of what the future might hold for you as you grow older, advancing jobs, making money, your own home, maybe some real friends and companions. but it doesn't seem like a happy future to you, as the further you go, the darker around you it gets in your dreams as friends leave as soon as they find out the things they don't like about you which apparently outweigh the things they like, or them just plainly fading away in silence, you try to shout, shout away the darkness, bring back some good memories, but the past made your memory bad and empty, for you were always trying to forget everything, only looking forward, marching on, which helped in the past but became a burden, you shout more,and try to recall the nice things from the black abyss around you, hoping it goes away, to make room for light and happiness, but it only seems to grow darker and darker...

suddenly, bright light and cheerful sounds... you find yourself looking at a clear sky, a happy memory perhaps? however, unable to move anything but your eyes, trying to get a glimpse of where you may be or where is impossible.  you can make out some treetops to your left, and to your right you notice something moving, a snake? hedgehog? or a bird perhaps? probably, as you wonder your thoughts are suddenly ripped apart by a mysterious feminine voice. "oh, awakened have we?, that's a bit to soon don't you agree ?" you try to ask who, what, where and why? but... nothing, only your eyes seem to move still. "that's no good" the voice continues "you aren't supposed to enjoy, especially since your just another boring one, aren't you" giggles the voice, now slowly fading, darkness once more returning, faster then before.

the next thing you know is a stinging pain in the chest area and you sitting up straight in bed....panting for air, another nightmare... at least you didn't die a horrible death as last time... dang, a lively fantasy, both blessing and curse.  you notice what might have hurt you. stupid cat... staring at you then after the sudden movement then continues to happily clawing at a part of your bed  claiming a soft spot for itself to sleep on...
apparently its bright day already, as you overslept the morning.

i really should stop reading stuff from these weird  sites of the internet... its messing up my sleep... ah well, at least its more interesting then the newspaper, maybe pick happier stuff next time instead of killer clown pranks and creepy creepy-pastas and such...

out of nowhere the voice echo's from somewhere deep in your mind, hitting you like a brick, "another boring one", you drop back on the pillow and yawn... i really need to change my life, big time, maybe start with a long vacation somewhere exotic, think of what to do next, rethink what i want to do with my life... start a new  and see what that will bring and go from there.... that wouldn't be an option your finances dont allow you to try such a thing.
screw that... i am not going on a vacation to rethink, only to return home and find things worse and more grim, vacations seem to have the bad habit of blatantly pointing out the routine and making it more obvious then it already is... remembering you of past vacations which did the same. "i need something more definitive, more drastic"

talking to yourself you continue to ask "then what?" you think, "should it matter?" you pound your brain into overdrive "its about me, not the ones who live around me, heck i could go chasing dragons and leprechauns for all i care, or nagas, fairy's, pirate treasures... anything really... its not what i want to achieve in the end, its the journey to it, and what i make of it is what counts.".
"it shouldn't, no... doesn't matter what others think, its my life, and my life alone, and i should be the only one making the decisions here, not someone else, not some grubby boss or colleague, or parent. even if it becomes my death at least i have followed my heart, no regrets when i do that... doing what i wanted for a change... right?"
"i was the laughing stock for i wanted something else, a different life, adventure... why didn't i follow my own advice? why did i let myself become what i am today? "someone caged like a office clerk in a cubicle", stuck in a cycle which doesn't show much hope for the future, only regrets of things i didn't do, i tried to do different only to get thrown back every time and be reprimanded. change is needed, drastic change..."
as you find there is no reasoning left beyond the conclusion you just made, you finally make the decision you always wanted to make.
"time to pick up where i left and do what i wanted so long ago... go on adventure, and live without regrets, free as a bird..."

you get dressed, prepare a quick breakfast, walk the dogs and with new hopes and a fire in your mind you thought long extinguished.
back home you make some preparations to make for a quick exit, as so nobody can throw you back.
after calling your boss that you will be taking a month off, reasoning that if everything completely backfires you at least can get back to work, after all nothing left then but surrender, now is there... you shrug of that thought and continue.
the pc already booted up you start browsing your junkmail, one travel brochure in particular attracts your attention this time... the offer to go to the untamed tropical jungles to the middle of south or middle america or even the Indian subcontinent... after checking some credentials and wishing its not a well made scam you immediately book a ticket, 5 minutes later you receive a printable ticket, relieved it actually worked you look what kind of deal you got, what you received was a ticket to some cheap airline at the closest airport that same day, worse, in a few hours even, a last minute 3rd rank, "good, the faster i bite off the start, the better".
considering your length, you start to smile, that's going to hurt a bit... cramped chairs always have been your nemesis, but you are pretty sure this is going to be worth it in the end. you pack some backpacks, belt-bags and pouches with clothes and other junk you think you might need, empty the jar of emergency money to buy some supplies locally when you get there and prepare it so you can leave right away after you finish here.

a few hours later having arranged most of the financials for long term and whatnot you continue into checking your preparations for a final time, you go downstairs and find your mom, you give her a kiss and say you will be gone for at least a few weeks, last minute planned event stuff and such, before she even has the time to stop and protest, you already slam the door behind you shut.
via car you arrive minutes later on the airport, your phone going off for the hundredth time since you decide to flip the finger at the world as is, you decide to throw it away after pulling the battery, "good riddance... i am not coming back if its up to me", though before actually dropping it in the trash, you send your parents a last message, that everything will be al-right, nothing to be worried about, you tell here your master passwords for if she needs anything done or changed. after pressing the send button you prepare a second message to be send a few hours later from the server, directing them to a note on your pc explaining events as is in more detail, you hate lying after all, might as well tell the truth...
as you pull the battery, dumping the leftovers in the trash. "sorry mom, is for the better, you would have stopped me if given the chance..."


next thing burned in memory is sitting in a tiny cramped chair in a 3rd rank plane of to some foreign country...

growing tired of the monotone flight sounds and pain in your legs, as well as the continuous pondering yourself if it was the right thing to do, or if it will be the last thing you will ever do... you fall vast asleep, a dreamless sleep overtaking you, cutting thoughts...

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chapter 2: journey through the jungle.
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after the first flight ended you were surprised there was a secondary flight included, a relatively short flight towards the end destination in some small bush plane, even more cramped then the previous flight, together with some other tourists you got dropped off at some shanty town near a lake, the magnificent jungle stretching as far as the eye reached beyond it.